whatever makes YOU happy

@ Tofu's crib, haven't been here since Freshman year. good man picked me up at school, and we just chilled. showed me this Drama, 'Devil Beside You' deeeep. haha but recapping, I've managed to see the girlfriend after 10 days. hung out with her for the past two days.

--I thought everything was gonna be okay. "I wanna be here, but I don't" so what am I supposed to do? I told you I wouldn't let you get up and just leave. I tried to help her sort out what she wants, I'm just tryna help her. "I got 'chu" I honestly just thought though, everything was slowly beginning to be like how it was, and I thought if we were able to compromise that things we be the same again. but I guess that's just wishful thinking, I wanna make it work, I've never tried to ever keep anyone. you told me that you just wanted to bewithme, that it's only gonna be you and me. words are just words. things can change, that's what she told me. but even yet, I still refuse to let go. why? I thought about it, you can ask anyone that knows me, I've never tried to keep anything, it would always be a okay, I'm done too right when I hear that she's losing it. but I'm still here, this is something different. "you'll be okay without me" you wouldn't know, it's not that easy to take in, I don't know how you can just say it so easily. I know you'll be okay, but I'm not tryna push you away. I just wanna know, if you wanna stay then stay, but if you wanna leave, you shouldn't do anything you don't wanna do. WE are supposed to be in this because we both wanna be. but it's no longer we if theres only one person who's feeling that way. I'll let you know though, I'll stick with you throughout the whole thing, you lemme know what you wanna do. cause you know, and you know well how I feel. I let you know everyday, I still feel that way. your dream caught me by surprise though. "be with me, why? just be with me. why? i just want you to be with me. why? please, just be with me." I'm not gonna beg you to stay, even though I want you to more than anything. 'I don't wanna be without you' remember that? I still wanna be with you. but does any of that mean anything anymore? does anything mean anything anymore? is there anything left? it's like the tighter I hold onto you, the faster you slip. figure something. I don't wanna be asking for too much, so if I am, lemme know.

pushing you away is the last thing I'd ever wanna do. you know that for a fact. whatever makes you happy.

man..

*hope I didn't wake you up too late =X haha 10:06, I aimed for it, just stepped out and busted out my phone, dialed and boom, you were still asleep. I like the way she sounds we she first wakes up...

orange poop, giant, baboon, gorilla, elephant.

I know you read this Chris, favorite this. HAHAHA love you dawgsz

pull[ed] through

I told her I wasn't gonna give it up, and that's exactly what I did; not give up. being serious all the time, now that I think about it was weird, shooot. we are not some four hundred and sixty 8 year old couple, that is too old and mature to know to have fun. but for the past couple of days, I've just been going out to the courts, hitting with Fabian, Justin, Truffle, Josh, Dan, and Arthur. yesterday we had a party/get together of some sort. ChrisTofu called me up at like 10 asking where I was at, he came by car, and he was the only one in it. haha, it was hella funny, we just chilled gave his something to grub on. my cousin then came to my place around 11, and she smelled like stoges, the parents that were still at the house were hella suspicious, so I had to go talk to them with her. we didn't finish til like 12, my cousin went home safely, and I rushed-I mean slowly walked up stairs and called my girlfriend. we were able to pull through, compromised. but just yesterday, she finally told me. yup, those 4 words, " I'm into old people " it was nerve wrecking! so I made it my sole mission to take out all old people there are in the world, them and their whack wrinkles. man and if you thought that was enough, I haven't seen her for what, 9 days now, and she said she's 8 foot 2. O_O freaking giant! she has also been in the process of experimenting with making orange poop. =| yeah, I'm still keeping her too. damn, school again tomorrow, I still have 4 more weeks -_____- I basically finish 4 days before actual school starts. good thing I get out at like 12. I'll see baby soon, =]

040608.

think it over, time

she told me, that the feelings she once had, the feelings that she had that allowed us to get where we were are fading, slowly being lost. I told her I still felt the same, I didn't want to give up easily, I wanted to know if we were really strong enough to take on anything together. she told me things changed, "I told you from the very beginning. things are bound to change, changes will occur." I guess I just neglected that fact because I didn't want anything to change. changes wouldn't matter to me, as long as nothing changed between us. but I guess I wasn't living in reality. I didn't know what to do when she told me that was was starting to slip. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what there was left for me to do. I told her that in my past, that if the other would say that they were loosing feelings, I'd just say ok, fine, done. get up and leave, but I can't do that with her. I can't bare the feeling of knowing that in the mere future, she's not gonna be mine anymore. what do you want me to do? whatever happened to compromising? I'm learning in the process too yknow. she said she needs time, I'll give her all the time she needs. I told her that I'd still be here to after, that as of now my feelings haven't ever been so sure. and normally, you would think, after finding out your girlfriend or boyfriend told you that they have lost feelings you would consider doing the same, and both of you would slowly start giving up. but I haven't. I have not let go of my feelings. "so you're just gonna sit and watch me leave..?" what else can I do? I don't want that to happen, I never sat down and asked myself what would I do if you were to leave. I didn't wanna think about it, knowing that hey, it might happen. I neglected that fact, and never took into consideration what I would do. I wanted to show her that here is where I wanna be, that she's who I wanna be with. stay with, stick with, be with. but I guess I'm the only one feeling that way now. I'm not tryna tell you that I'm going to give up, but if you are loosing what you once felt, think about it. what would be so great, that I, Chris Ngo could be able to do that would make you think otherwise? you know what you're doing, you can think for yourself. I just wanna let you know that I'd still be here. that's all.

take what you need.

last day / redemption

haven't had the chance to blog lately. basically I've just been at summer school, not doing much. Chris and I discovered Mission College's "Game Room" haha all it has in it is a pool table and an air hockey machine. it's chill though, Tofu and I go there after school. it's pretty relaxing. today was Tofu, Justin, Trin, J Tran, Peter, Andrea and all of the people who are taking History's last day. they're done after today. so after class we went to In-N-Out to grub. I went with Peter Tofu and Justin. after we just went back to Mission to play pool. we were then joined later by Legend, Arthur, Lisa, and Helen. it was pretty cool, interesting day. Hung picked up Justin and I at Mission around 3, then got home, changed, grabbed my tennis gear and headed to MHS. Dan, Truffle, Josh, Fabian, and John was out there. we walked to Megan's house to grab some tennis balls. went back, and began hitting. I was surprised, I did a lot better than I have been doing the past week or so. I was relieved, used my brother's K Blade. Fabian got his K Factor 90 for $140. we played doubles, it was me and Josh VS Fabian and Justin. we won 7-6, then played again, it was me and Fabian VS Truffle and John, we won that 7-6. the boss came back Tuesday, haven't seen her since Friday, but she has things going for her so.

so this is how it is, the answer is an I don't know when the question regarding what we think of how we are right now is asked.

040608

beginning

girlfriend called around 6, talked to her for a bit, but she had to go do her thing so she had to cut the conversation short. I woke up around 8, got ready, and took my cousins and little sister to Golfland because today was a 9-12 $6 session. the kids went over to the side where you play games for tickets. I played Initial D most of the day. it's been ages since I've played. I went from have 2 racer level stars, and only clearing Akagi and Iroh to having 8 racer level stars and clearing Myogi, Usui, Akina, Akina Snow, Happo, Sho, and almost Tsuchi. I was quite amazed. Davain met me up there, haven't seen that dude since Kym's birthday 3 months ago. also played this basketball game for tickets. located by the tables where the food stand is in Golfland, I set the high score for both, 53 and 47 I believe, beat them if you can, haha. after we just chilled at my house, played Rock Band and Halo 3. Chester owns at that game dude -__-, I beat both him and Davain in Slayer though. I was in the lead with 25 kills, Chester with 23, and Davain with...7 HAHA. after Andy called me up he needed some slacks because he was going to a going away dinner. the nig was the hungry so I showed him the way to Subways. after right when we got back to my house Deangelo called saying he was having a family bbq at Cataldi. so we went all the way to Cataldi to chill with him. I met his Jeanette, her friend and Deangelo's cousin. it was pretty cool, just chilled didn't eat because I already ate. got home, and just chilled. my brother's friends Andy and Christina came over and they just sang Karaoke. the kids were playing Monopoly, so I teamed up with my little cousin Andrew and we were playing against Chester and Kym. Molly was banker, about an hour or so into the game, we bankrupted both of them because they constantly landed on our Red Territory, ha. dinner was usual, nothing that great. I'm starting to do push ups again, Chester was interested so we'll see if I can turn this scrawny boy from Washington into a somewhat toned incoming 7th grader.

4 more days. 22nd.

040608.

5 days notice

well babe is gone =\ she'll be back Tuesday. she woke up at like 6:55 today. i left the house around 9ish to go get my bike, then went to the tennis courts to help Megan with the girls tennis team. Truffle was there as well as Omar and Billy. i went to school because baboon was meeting up at school with all the other school officers. i wanted to say bye, but she left me after we exchanged sweaters. i gave her my favorite gray russell one. she didn't gimme nothing. well i hope she has fun, she told me not to forget about her and all that, but she knows for a fact that i'm all about her. i would ask her the same. don't forget about me baby! i biked home, and chilled with the cousins, played Rock Band, Halo 3, and Marvel Ultimate Alliance. they got hungry, so my little cousin Kym and i went to the liquor store and burrito express. i asked her "Kym, do you trust my driving?" and she said "yes, i do...just don't crash please!" haha we made it back home in one piece. after they wanted to go to the park, so we went, i made up obstacle courses for them.

i can't say that i don't miss her, because i do already. she asked me if i was mad about her leaving, but i can't say i'm happy that i am. she's doing her thing though, gotta support it in every way i can. behind you 106% boss.



040608. do your thing baby.

appreciation

i took a test today in class, passed with flying colors, hella bossy. went out early with Tofu, J Tran, and Peter. ate at Mexicali Grill again, came up on a Toronto Bluejays new era fitted at TJ Maxx! and Tofu got a Stussy snap back, $5.00! we just chilled then walked to the light rail and took that to Great Mall, then took 47 to school. mom picked me up then i chilled at home for awhile. around 4:30ish called baby because i wanted to hang out with her. went to her place, and her brother Marvin got his license today. they went to ran some errands, i was there too. went to Kevin Miranda's place after, chilled for a bit, then headed back to their place. played Jenga -____- i dropped it...then played with babe's dog. that thing is huge! tiger status. that thing is monstrous, hella ran outta my hand when Marvin handed me the leash. so this girl passed by thinking that the dog wasnt around anymore and then she looked back and he was right there she got hella scared, hahahahaha. baby and i just walked around, i just enjoy being able to spend time with her. she's leaving tomorrow. she made me take pictures, i must admit, i'm pretty good =). she made me this video log, it was real cute. super appreciated it. <3 those are the type of things that keeps me going, aside from her loving that is =]. i was tryna do something for her before she leaves, something that she would be able to think about and remember, but i don't know if affected her much. damn people keep interrupting when we're tryna mood it up! =\ imma miss her though real talk. <3youbabe.

i wanna be able to go for hours, no interruptions, non stop.

she cares, she really does

she cares, my baby, my girlfriend, my babylove, my one&only, my team mate/partner, gorilla 

quality time

school was usual, after class me and Christian went to In-N-Out got a burger, fries, and a smoothie. after we just chilled, and i waited for my brother to pick me up at the Hyatt Hotel across the street from PGA. finished a whole chapter of homework today! oh man, i felt so smart. after i biked down to MHS dropped off my tennis bag for Fabian, Truffle, Josh, and Dan to use. Charles and Christine were there too. i then went to chill with the mrs. i'm tryna spend as much time as i can with her before she leaves Friday. am i happy she's leaving you wonder? of course not, she doesn't believe me when i say i'm gonna miss her. 5 days =\ baby is coming back Tuesday. hopefully i can see baby tomorrow too! haha 3 days in a row! after i walked with her like half way home, i didn't want her to be alone, she hates it, and i didn't wanna leave her alone. i thought it was cute how she never looked back, even when i stopped and looked back like 6 times when she walked towards her place by herself, she didn't let me walk her all the way. she also called at 3 in the morning, i was surprised because my phone died but i recharged it and right when i was about to call her back she called! surprising, she was thinking about bread -___-, i thought she was thinking about me...but, i jetted my ass home after, made it before the sun went down. Khoa, Deangelo, Thomas, Michael, Madingding, Andy, and Cuong stopped by. they wanted to shoot some bottle rockets, we went to the park by my house. we needed a lighter so Michael was the hero and shoulder tapped a dude to help buy us a lighter, the dude was cool and did it. we then went back to my park, lit some more but then they jet because apparently the house across the street was a cop house.

i have a test tomorrow, first test of summer school -____-

i'll pass, don't even worry =]

040608.

*baby still needs to send me pics that she took today that she likes

trust

woke up early as usual, Hung took me to school, met up with Christian in the morning before class, usual class nothing special. went out to lunch with Tofu at In N Out, ordered 2 numbers 1's with grilled onions and spread =D dope. after that just chilled at school with Tofu until my brother came. after he picked me up we went to UPS to pick up my package, then went to the old house to pick up Dat's suspensions. Andy and Leon called me up, showed me Andy's EG, not that bad, has a big ass gray spot on the right side of the car by the tail lights hahahaha. after they bounced, and i saw Mark, Chris, and Francis, they were by baby's house sessioning i guess. i just chilled with babe until 7:50-8ish, haven't seen her for a week now, she's leaving for her presidential business trip Friday, so i'm just tryna spend as much time with her as i can before she leaves, i walked with her to her aunt's place, then biked home, saw Biz Marckie or Marc J at his house. another day of school tomorrow -____-.


tell me please.

040608.

i miss you

woke up a lot last night, well i always have been since babe was on the phone. i enjoy knowing the fact that she's on the phone each time i suddenly wake up. i woke up at like 7 and left the house around 8. i chilled with Tofu and Christian at Mission today, school from 9-12:25, ate at Mexicali Grill, got like a chicken burrito, it was Tofu's treat or well he paid more, i'll treat out tomorrow. nice chilling with the guys. after i went home, finished up homework then headed out to MHS. played with Truffle, Josh, Dan, and Fabian again. i suck so bad now -____-. my forehand is ass, my backhand is decent, my serves are not on point as they were before. embarrassing. i need to get back on top of my game, shit.

+it will be a week since i've seen baby tomorrow. =\ i'm sorry but i miss my girlfriend. and she's leaving this Friday! pleeease let me see and spend time with my baboon before she leaves!


040608.

delayed

the cousins from Florida were leaving this morning, Amelia and Molly came in extra early, 5 AM to be exact to wake my ass up. i was too lazy, laid in bed until 5:20 then decided to go get ready. we left the house at 6 or so, it was still dark outside. went to SJC then checked them in and all that, the time of their flight came close so we all said bye and all that. right when we left the airport and thought everything was all good, i get a call from Amy, "hey our flight got delayed" so we drove all the way back and waited with them, after like an hour of negotiation their next flight was at 11. they had to be on the plane half an hour early. after i crashed for a bit, woke up around 4-5 then met up with Truffle Shuffle to go to Yellowstone to meet up with Fabian, Dan, and Josh came a little later. i haven't hit with those guys for awhile. i suck ass though, we played til 8ish, it was fun, i need to make sure i hit with them more often, can't fall behind the '08 tennis team.



040608

SF trip

woke up early today, 8 o clock to be exact. i was supposed to go hit with Michael and Truffle Shuffle but then my cousins from Florida are leaving back tomorrow morning, so we have to spend the last day with them. we went to SF, it was pretty chill, visited Fisherman's Wharf, the Golden Gate Bridge, ate some clam chowder, calamari, pizza, crab, it was cool. we spent the whole day basically, tired, sucks that their leaving 2 and a half weeks earlier than scheduled. gotta wake up tomorrow morning at 5 to take them to the airport.


Mimi! 7 year old, youngest of the 3 cousins.



BABY


parked in space 308



if yknow what i mean =]

second string

i went to the sports center with Hung today. usual, matchplay in the morning from 9-12, helped the kids work on their serves and all that. at 11:45 i walked to Whole Foods to grab 2 burritos because Hung wanted time to eat because we usually rush on days when we had games. today we played Los Gatos, oh boy were they tiny. i thought they would be all big tall 7 feet dudes but nah, i looked down and they were freaking tiny. so my brother didn't let the top 3 players on the team play, who were me, Sho, and Hiro. we just sat and watched. Allen played single 1, Aneiss played 2, Ben played 3, Kenny played 4, and doubles 1 were Jai and Michael. the only team who won were doubles...Hung hella underestimated Los Gatos due to their lack in height and so we got owned. Hung regretted not letting me, Sho, and Hiro play, haha owned. it was a home game too, next Thursday is our last game, hopefully we'll pull it through with a record of 3 wins and 1 loss. i went home around 3, and it was soo hot and i was lazy to do anything so i decided to take a nap. right when i was about to lay down, my brother calls me telling me to go with him to Daly City to pick up some Discus fish. 3 hour drive there and back, but it didnt even seem like it. i napped the whole way there and back. but i remember occasionally waking up and looking around. the weather in Daly City is much more preferable by me because it's cloudy, no rain and it's much much cooler than here in Milpitas. but that's about my day, keep posted.

040608.

sit back, reeeeelax

i woke up fairly early today, 7:00AM, like on the dot. i called babe, asked her if she wanted to go "running" we're tryna do it as much as possible nowadays. got to her place at like 7:45, we kept busy until 10-ish, man were there a lot of people around today or what =| and if you think that's interesting, Mariel and i actually got to just sit back and enjoy the summer day in the shade. haven't been able to do that in awhile. it was nice, talked about lots of stuff, i enjoyed. headed over to Nob Hill after to buy some juice and then we headed home. the family was just finishing up First Sunday, it's a good movie. after that i went to pick up Hobo with Dat and then headed to do some errands with the both of them, finished around 3:30 and then headed over to the library. to do what you ask? babe was there with her cousin and Fonz, just chilled, didn't do much. saw big boy Rich92 also, holla. after an hour or so they left, so i just started walking, it was hella hot. luckily Dat called me, asking if i was finished yet, and so he picked me up. we headed over to Great Mall because the rest of the family was there. saw big Phu, Tim, and Tate, they were buying "steroids" lol those nigs. just walked around, didn't buy nothing. now i'm home, the family's getting ready for dinner and that's about it.
-M.

no words, just an unexplainable feeling

3 Months, seemed so much longer. i just want to let her know how thankful and lucky i am to have her. my better half, and through everything we're still going strong. all the things we've been through, and the things that we share, it's amazing. yeah, you go ahead say that these words don't mean nothing, and that i don't know what i'm saying, but you aren't feeling what i'm feeling now are you. i'm crazy about her, still even now, it just keeps going up. keeps growing deeper, she knows i feel this way, i told her myself. i think this is, in one way or the other how she feels too. cause we're both in this, same page and all that. i'm gonna do this right, not rush into anything, take it as it is. you&me,bewithme,always. pinky-swear.
____________________________________________________________________
July 4th, not that bad
had a family bbq, good stuff, there were like 10 kids though, Amy, Amelia, MiMi, Kym, Katie, Megan, Andrew, Molly, Diana, and myself. Khoa came by later on to grab some grub, and show off his new cooper! clean ass car, the interior is real nice. after we chilled for a bit, and around 930 left to go watch some fireworks. Met up with Lil B, Rose, Leon, and B Le at Everglades, then from there we went to McDonalds to get Andy and Toan(nigga just got off house arrest) we had to wait for Leon, B Le and Toan's cousins so we shot some bottle rockets and stuff while we waited. grabbed a slurpee and some ice cream at 711 and then we left. our original destination was up at Sierra, but it was hella crowded, so we all busted U-ies and left to Suncrest. the view was real nice, wish baby was there to see it. we were all just starting to set up then we saw this mini-cooper roll up and it had a big ass blow up red bull can on the back of it's trunk. we all swarmed around the cooper and they gave us free red bull B] hella nice, we then just chilled for a bit, shot some bottle rockets, moon whistlers, roman candles. everything was all good then some white foo came down the street like he was LAPD then started snapping shots at our license plates with his might camera phone, nigga was hella whack. i understood where he was coming from, saying that "you kids will set this canyon on fire if you continue this. this area has been burned 3 times this year, and i will know who to turn these license plate numbers in to if a fire starts" hella dumb, ruined the day. it was like 1030, then everyone decided to head to Laneview, but me and Khoa had to leave, so we left early. 4th of July wasn't that bad, got to chill with the fam and the homeys. just not the girlfriend =\, it's okay, she'll make it up to me! =)

Rest In Peace; Syndi Yoshie

on the 28th, a known member of the sneaker, photography, creative artistic community passed away in a car crash. i havent had the time myself to say Rest In Peace. best wishes out there to her family. it really sucks how she passed away. illest photographer, creative mind.


the story:
http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2008/jun/29/palmetto-ridge-high-school-grad-dies-crash/
ISS:
http://www.solecollector.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=730962