Back In The Days

I remember when things used to be different. When I was younger, I would always add "you too" to the end of almost everything I said to be polite and show good manners. When someone said "Hey, you look nice today." I'd reply with a "Thanks, you do too." "Have a good day." "Oh yes, you have a great one too." And when those girls said "I love you." I'd reply with a "Oh, I love you too." But you came along, you changed all that. All the things I have said to you, wasn't because you said them first, it wasn't because I was trying to be polite or have good manners at all. I felt them, for the very first time. I grew up to believe, that whenever someone said "you too" they didn't really mean it. They just said it to avoid confrontation or trouble. Obviously, if your significant other said "I miss you" and you don't say anything back, there would be trouble, yes? Right. But with you, I felt the same, I didn't say it to avoid confrontation or trouble. When you said "I miss you" I never said "I miss you too" I said that "I miss you." And that was it, there were no 'toos'. I meant it, and there were even those occasional "I miss you mores" It's just amazing how it is. A kid like me, doing things I would have never imagined doing for us. And it was never because I had to, but because I wanted to. I remember vividly, the exact 'scenery'(if you will) when we first said it to eachother. Mid afternoon, wind blowing, we were sitting in the grass at the park by your house. Back packs at our sides, I think my phone was playing music, and you just looked at me, and told me that you loved me. Without even second guessing, or hesitating, I told you that I loved you. Not I love you too, but that I love you. I didn't love you because you loved me first, I didn't love you because you said it first, I love you because that's how I feel. It's not meant to be said for the sole reason of comforting one's ears. It was because I wanted you to know how I feel, how you make me feel. Everyone wonders how it feels to fall in love, I don't. Because I'm living it. How do I know? Everyone says they do, right? Everyone says the same thing right? Well maybe it's different for everyone. But when it hits you, you'll know. It's not something that can feel for everyone. Which is why even to this day, I still hold you dear to my heart. Believe it, and as of where we are now, I don't know if it's because of what's going on, or because thing's are changing, drifting. I guess only time will tell.

TEAM

She makes me happy, still. I love her, still. Even though hectic season is approaching, and we know we aren't going to have much time to spend together, nothing will change. She's great. I love how she is.

_ _ _ _ _ _

"When our lives don't glow the same way that they used to
And I finally get a moment to myself
I will realize you were everything I’m missin
And you’ll tell me you’re in love with someone else
The girl or the world
You see someone gotta lose
I thought I could have it all
Do I really gotta choose?
What good is all the cash
If it doesn’t buy time
And what good is being famous
If im never on your mind
Nights falling
Lights glowing
And im just tryin ta pay the price owing
And I don’t wanna feel the comfort from my ice showing
And I aint tryin ta be with out you at the right moment
Nigga nice going
Is it worth it?
That decision
Cuz hearts breaking
I aint tryin ta be in that collision
So im dust my shirt
And fix my pants cuz I better look good girl if this my chance I swear"

XXII

Damn, this is the fourth day blogging consistently in a row.

Just thinking back, it's been a week and a day, since it happened..I wish I could turn back the hands of time and prevent all of it from happening, my life would be so much different now.

On the brighter note:
It's been One Year and 10 Months since we've been together. It is quite amazing how far we have gotten, and how drastically we have changed since the beginning. I notice more and more everyday with every different obstacle that is thrown at us. We used to be the couple who would argue/fight about everything. But look at us now, we hardly argue/fight, and when we do, it's once in a while. Fights are supposedly healthy in relationships right?! But it's not just me who fights to keep us, but you do it just as much. Truly shows how much we both want to stay together. And to think, in the beginning of our relationship, I always had this feeling, that you know, there is something different about her, something that I can't seem to find or feel in any other girl, and it just shows more and more everyday that I was right. She's my one and only, and I intend to keep it that way. I hope we get to spend time today, even though it's the afternoon already. It's been an amazing 22 Months. I love you babydarling.

But now with season starting, and you with T.O. and such, time spending together is going to be quite difficult. I just want to make best of the time that we have.

One Shot

Maybe I over reacted a little bit when you told me you were planning to go. But after everything that happened, all the incidents and such, just made me feel a bit insecure. But I'll give you a chance, live your life. If it works out where both of us are content, then it will build up. But if that night causes a disaster for us, then I don't know where it will go from there. But I'm taking that risk, giving you that one shot. I'm not gonna continue wondering like I have been anymore, so go ahead. There are some things that will be tolerable, and some that will absolutely not be, remember that, and I'm pretty sure you know what I'm absolutely not cool with. That's my vent, that's what was on my mind all week.

Run

I really don't know what to do anymore. Fuck man, it just keeps getting worse and worse. Damn nigga instigates like no tomorrow, the fuck, thinks he's a detective or what? I seriously just wanna run, even though running from problems doesn't solve anything, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I seriously, just wanna get away.

Eye Opener

I've been pretty out of shape, even though I've been working out. I'm lacking the Cardio, haven't been running or any type of endurance training. Realized that today, and wow, I'm slow...

Been walking home lately, I guess it gives me a lot of time to myself, and to think about things. A lot has been on my mind. Need to start prioritizing.