Rambles

This is what happens when you don't really have anyone to vent to at times like now. Summer has been something for me, postin with the homeys, just enjoying what's left of my years as a youngin. There would be times when I would feel like I'm on top of the world, but once reality strikes, it's the chilling thoughts that come rushing back to my head. We aren't. Simple as that. Like it's always said, I'm doing this out of my own free will, don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this because I feel like I should, it's never like that, even whoever reads this blog would probably know that by now. It's one thing for me to want it, but if you don't then there's nothing really that I can do about it. First day of July in 2010, and look where we are. Haha, it sucks. We've been cool, but I like the idea of being in a relationship. I'm still here because you are still figuring out your answer. But if you time comes and you tell me you're leaning towards not wanting it back, I'm not gonna be here. We talk about life with you as a Senior, and myself as a Freshman. Nothing would change, but then again we aren't together. It's not hard for me to stay committed to someone who I have fallen deeply for. And it took this for us to realize some of the worst flaws in our past relationship. That's fine, I believe if we learned, it was worth it. I don't believe I'm wasting my time, I'm just patiently waiting for an answer. That's polite right? I'm not demanding anything, giving you a due date, none of that bs. I care for you enough to respect you. But you also need to do the same. You ask me why I still want this, I just believe we should give it another try. I still have that feeling, that words just can't explain. Maybe that's why when you ask me those certain questions I can't put into words what I feel. I just wish you didn't doubt so easily. If this wasn't worth it, I don't think I'd be putting so much effort into it. With fights, I'd try my best to leave it be, or at least try solving it in a civilized manner. I know a good thing when I see one, I haven't lost sight of it just yet. I'm still going for it, disregarding anything negative anyone had to say. Because in the end, it's me that in it, and it's me that's going to be affected. It has to be 50-50. I never ask for a lot, but don't start doubting what I'm putting effort into, and still try to give me hope that it might work. I understand that this is a delicate situation and the slightest infraction could mess up everything. Like a tower of Jenga, one wrong move and the whole thing comes crashing down. Just, think about it. I'm rambling about a whole bunch of nonsense, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Whatever it is, just tell me, don't worry about how I would react yknow? Sometimes it seems like how I would react is stopping you from telling me straight up. I just want to know.