[Vent]ilation

Draft

2010-09-29T00:06:00.001-07:00

This will probably be my last ramble about love and shiet. I ain't no punk bitch, I just needed one of the mushy lovey dovey posts that everyone else has on their tumblr and shiet. My first and last.

I was a kid who came from San Jose, knew nothing about Milpitas let alone what the hell Milpitas High was. Ran through Middle School breaking a couple hearts here and there, wasn't even thinking about looking for another. Not until the day I met you. Biology, P-15 I think, HAHA. My method of communication at that time was talking, obviously. But for some reason, when it came to you, no words came out, just paper balls flying through the air and landing on your head. How else was I supposed to get your attention? Days passed by, and still paper balls flying back and forth like Pearl Harbor with the atomic bombs and shit. Eventually communicating with paper balls became talking verbally, that somehow became texting, texting became calling, and calling became hanging out. I chose to confess how I felt about you the day right before you left on your vacation. It was rough and weird the first couple of weeks when you came back, but we made it through. After two or so months, I tucked my shirt into my pants, took a deep breathe and asked you. BOOOOOOOOOOOM! First day, damn, we broke up. Haha, but I told you that I was serious about you so I waited. Normally, I would've just got up and left, I didn't need the drama and heartache, but this time, I waited. 6 days later we tried it again, and it was all good, before we knew it we've made it to our 1 month, time flew by so fast, we blinked and we hit the half year mark, we even made it through one whole calendar year, to make it an official anniversary. Damn, we were on a roll, we had ups and downs here and there, but hey who didn't. Fighting is what strengthens relationships anyways right? We lasted to our second anniversary, but that's where problems began to occur. I told you that I was in love with you, I never told any girl that before. But I said it with no hesitation because that was just how strong I felt about you. We were happy, I was happy.

Well, after everything, I think it is now that I'm coming to the harsh reality that things can not go the way you want them too. And you know what, that's life, that's just how it's gonna be, and I will have to live with it. Maybe this is karma, coming back to bite me in the ass for all the hearts that I have broken before her. I never knew what it meant to be in love until I met her [Yeah, hella cliche but dude, empathize man.] and maybe that is why it is a million times harder to say goodbye, but that's how it has to be. Haha, we even talked about it. She told me, "I want to know what it feels like to be with other people, to be able to find out if what we had was real, or if it was just nothing out of the ordinary." And I understand, I want to know if we were real or not too. I want to know how your future loves treat you. I want to know if they could compare or if they treat you better than I have. And if they did, you know what, that's great. People tell me to move on, that it is for the best, and maybe it is. I just don't want to end it with a whole mess of "What If's" still flying around in my head. No regrets though, I will never regret anything that once made me happy, and you have made me happier more than you know. But maybe, it is just hurting us to fight to keep us together. A wise person once asked me, "if I had a bird in my hand, would I hold onto it and prevent in from being free? Or would I just let it go because that is what's best." My answer; Let it go. Who am I to prevent that bird from being free? Why am I being a hindrance on it's happiness? Even if it costs my own. Maybe you are that bird. Maybe I'm holding onto you for all the wrong reasons. And you know what, I need to learn to let you go. I don't want to hold you back anymore. As much as it will pain for me to do so, I guess we simply can't look back anymore.

You've put me through a lot, more than you know. But guess what? I stuck it out. Why? Because I loved you. Not that bullshit love where I tell you just because it is what you want to hear. It was that level of love, that even people around us were able to feel. That kind of love that would make me accept who you are as a person, just because I wanted to be with you. The love that made me miss you after just seeing you. That love that made it so hard for me not to talk to you no matter how big of a fight we had. The type of love that had me singing, smiling, and laughing all at the same time just because I knew I had you, the one girl who loved me just as much as I loved her. That same love that makes me go half crazy because we aren't on good terms. That love that forces me to drop all my walls, put aside that big door that I call pride, just to find common ground and compromise with you. It's the same love, that allows me to forgive you, no matter how bad you messed up or what you did or said. It's that same love that has me checking, wishing every text message I received or incoming phone call was from you. It's that same love that has rendered me helpless when I'm in your presence. That love that turned a guy like me, who is supposed to be the top dog, the man with the pants, the heartless, uncaring dude into a guy who empathized, who listened and coped before assuming, who wore shorts instead of pants; just because you could have some authority as well, and who gave you every inch, from the very bottom to the tip top..of his heart. I've tried, I gave you my all, and if that isn't enough, then maybe you should go look for what you want in someone else. Love isn't something that all couples are guaranteed. Love is granted to those who understands what it means to put someone else before them. You were one of the few I placed before myself. Thanks for some of the best days of my life. I will remember them forever.

Closure

2010-08-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

I guess you can say things started coming to a stop after Saturday evening. Maybe because that was the last time I seen you, or maybe that's just how it is. Whatever the reason may be, I am beginning to notice more and more how fragile we have become. Seems like there is no longer solid support holding us up. Whatever the problem may be, it seems to be winning as of now. Maybe this is as far as we can go. We haven't been arguing much, so I guess that is a good thing, but we haven't been talking much neither. Who knows now.

Last Straw

2010-08-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

Your actions and personality pretty much says a lot about you, correct? Absolutely. It's nearly impossible to say that you are not that kind of person, when that is exactly the way you act. Don't get offended, but if you that is not what you want, then stop acting like it. Real talk. You go off about how you want to emit a positive and mature vibe. Everytime I see or hear some new shit, it just sends me straight back to square one. When I constantly ask myself what the fuck man. The way you act with him/her is how you should still act even with he/she isn't around. People change, live and learn, forgive and forget. But what's the point of having those arguments, those discussions, when it will only be effective for a month and go back to being exactly how it was as if no discussion or argument even occurred. Real shit, you need to make up your mind and get your shit straight. It's one or the other. You can't always have your way anymore. It's whether you do or you don't. Simple as that. And once the decision is made, there is no going back.

Rambles

2010-07-01T01:29:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when you don't really have anyone to vent to at times like now. Summer has been something for me, postin with the homeys, just enjoying what's left of my years as a youngin. There would be times when I would feel like I'm on top of the world, but once reality strikes, it's the chilling thoughts that come rushing back to my head. We aren't. Simple as that. Like it's always said, I'm doing this out of my own free will, don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this because I feel like I should, it's never like that, even whoever reads this blog would probably know that by now. It's one thing for me to want it, but if you don't then there's nothing really that I can do about it. First day of July in 2010, and look where we are. Haha, it sucks. We've been cool, but I like the idea of being in a relationship. I'm still here because you are still figuring out your answer. But if you time comes and you tell me you're leaning towards not wanting it back, I'm not gonna be here. We talk about life with you as a Senior, and myself as a Freshman. Nothing would change, but then again we aren't together. It's not hard for me to stay committed to someone who I have fallen deeply for. And it took this for us to realize some of the worst flaws in our past relationship. That's fine, I believe if we learned, it was worth it. I don't believe I'm wasting my time, I'm just patiently waiting for an answer. That's polite right? I'm not demanding anything, giving you a due date, none of that bs. I care for you enough to respect you. But you also need to do the same. You ask me why I still want this, I just believe we should give it another try. I still have that feeling, that words just can't explain. Maybe that's why when you ask me those certain questions I can't put into words what I feel. I just wish you didn't doubt so easily. If this wasn't worth it, I don't think I'd be putting so much effort into it. With fights, I'd try my best to leave it be, or at least try solving it in a civilized manner. I know a good thing when I see one, I haven't lost sight of it just yet. I'm still going for it, disregarding anything negative anyone had to say. Because in the end, it's me that in it, and it's me that's going to be affected. It has to be 50-50. I never ask for a lot, but don't start doubting what I'm putting effort into, and still try to give me hope that it might work. I understand that this is a delicate situation and the slightest infraction could mess up everything. Like a tower of Jenga, one wrong move and the whole thing comes crashing down. Just, think about it. I'm rambling about a whole bunch of nonsense, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Whatever it is, just tell me, don't worry about how I would react yknow? Sometimes it seems like how I would react is stopping you from telling me straight up. I just want to know.

Collide

2010-06-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

Used to be my hero when I was in a choke hold
Melted the pain away when my heart was so froze
Was my new day when things were getting too old
Me and her a perfect pair I would never fo fold
And now its like the bet has just raised
Contemplatin in my head if I should still play
Im caught up in a maze you say its just a phase
But the haze settles in and turns into days
Days into months why does it keep switchin
Tryna feed for us too I was your nutrition
Show you things you never seen like a magician
Melody heart beat you was my musician
Lifestyle addiction led to this condition
Debating back and forth like we politicians
Reading bout our past was it just all fiction
Tryna play chicken what a heartbreak collision

-Trixx

Things aren't the same without you.

Bottom Line

2010-04-05T20:29:00.001-07:00

Well, thank you. For proving a lot of things to me. I hated that feeling, therefore I am not going to put myself in that position ever again, nor will I ever allow myself to feel that ever again. Dunzo. I wonder why I still dropped everything in hopes of spending time, stupid me, what was I hoping for, Hah. Well you do you're thing, I ain't even mad, I'll do mines. This is the first step. You seem to be happy where you are right now, go ahead, keep it like that. I'm just not gonna be around.

Lately,

2010-03-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a minute, slowly getting closer and closer to the end of the year, and I understand that you have a lot of things on your mind, and a lot of other things to worry about. But I've just been feeling neglected. Complaining like a nigga and shit, but real talk. I tried holding my composure, but I guess this is the one and only outburst I'm going to be able to let off. It seems I'm the last priority on your list, and that's cool. All I'm saying is don't take me, or this relationship for granted. We've been going at it for awhile, and I just hope it stops, the fighting, cussing, yelling, fussing; straight up annoyance. I can't really remember the last time we've been great. I mean we've been good here and there, and we've been alright. Don't prove them right, don't allow what they're saying to be true. We're supposed to be equal, 50-50, not anything more or less. I don't want others making you realize it, but you, yourself. I'm trying to be understanding about everything, but there is only so much one person can take before they give in. It's like a boxing match, I'm in my 468th round, I've been hit by uppercuts, jabs, and a few haymakers, I've fallen, but with no hesitation, I stand back up on my two feet, slowly at times, but I reach that point, where I stand with my head up, ready to continue on. You fight for what you believe in, you fight for what you love, you fight for what makes you happy. I've been. I'm not questioning whether you are or not...I am just hoping the reason causing all of this grief is the fact that we are both busy, but if this is how it is going to be when we both are free, then we are going to have some problems.
You show me affection one way during 2nd period, but when that bell rings and we step outside the door, it's not the same. My hands are empty, my arms are cold, your affection is shown to everyone but me. Now why is that? I don't know.
We used to be that couple, hella cute and shiet yknow?
I see more and more couples everyday, and you can tell they're a couple by the way they are to eachother, shooot. Sometimes I say to myself, man I wish that was us. But it's just wishful thinking.

Back In The Days

2010-02-28T11:40:00.000-08:00

I remember when things used to be different. When I was younger, I would always add "you too" to the end of almost everything I said to be polite and show good manners. When someone said "Hey, you look nice today." I'd reply with a "Thanks, you do too." "Have a good day." "Oh yes, you have a great one too." And when those girls said "I love you." I'd reply with a "Oh, I love you too." But you came along, you changed all that. All the things I have said to you, wasn't because you said them first, it wasn't because I was trying to be polite or have good manners at all. I felt them, for the very first time. I grew up to believe, that whenever someone said "you too" they didn't really mean it. They just said it to avoid confrontation or trouble. Obviously, if your significant other said "I miss you" and you don't say anything back, there would be trouble, yes? Right. But with you, I felt the same, I didn't say it to avoid confrontation or trouble. When you said "I miss you" I never said "I miss you too" I said that "I miss you." And that was it, there were no 'toos'. I meant it, and there were even those occasional "I miss you mores" It's just amazing how it is. A kid like me, doing things I would have never imagined doing for us. And it was never because I had to, but because I wanted to. I remember vividly, the exact 'scenery'(if you will) when we first said it to eachother. Mid afternoon, wind blowing, we were sitting in the grass at the park by your house. Back packs at our sides, I think my phone was playing music, and you just looked at me, and told me that you loved me. Without even second guessing, or hesitating, I told you that I loved you. Not I love you too, but that I love you. I didn't love you because you loved me first, I didn't love you because you said it first, I love you because that's how I feel. It's not meant to be said for the sole reason of comforting one's ears. It was because I wanted you to know how I feel, how you make me feel. Everyone wonders how it feels to fall in love, I don't. Because I'm living it. How do I know? Everyone says they do, right? Everyone says the same thing right? Well maybe it's different for everyone. But when it hits you, you'll know. It's not something that can feel for everyone. Which is why even to this day, I still hold you dear to my heart. Believe it, and as of where we are now, I don't know if it's because of what's going on, or because thing's are changing, drifting. I guess only time will tell.

TEAM

2010-02-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

She makes me happy, still. I love her, still. Even though hectic season is approaching, and we know we aren't going to have much time to spend together, nothing will change. She's great. I love how she is.

_ _ _ _ _ _

2010-02-21T23:06:00.000-08:00

"When our lives don't glow the same way that they used to
And I finally get a moment to myself
I will realize you were everything I’m missin
And you’ll tell me you’re in love with someone else
The girl or the world
You see someone gotta lose
I thought I could have it all
Do I really gotta choose?
What good is all the cash
If it doesn’t buy time
And what good is being famous
If im never on your mind
Nights falling
Lights glowing
And im just tryin ta pay the price owing
And I don’t wanna feel the comfort from my ice showing
And I aint tryin ta be with out you at the right moment
Nigga nice going
Is it worth it?
That decision
Cuz hearts breaking
I aint tryin ta be in that collision
So im dust my shirt
And fix my pants cuz I better look good girl if this my chance I swear"

XXII

2010-02-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

Damn, this is the fourth day blogging consistently in a row.

Just thinking back, it's been a week and a day, since it happened..I wish I could turn back the hands of time and prevent all of it from happening, my life would be so much different now.

On the brighter note:
It's been One Year and 10 Months since we've been together. It is quite amazing how far we have gotten, and how drastically we have changed since the beginning. I notice more and more everyday with every different obstacle that is thrown at us. We used to be the couple who would argue/fight about everything. But look at us now, we hardly argue/fight, and when we do, it's once in a while. Fights are supposedly healthy in relationships right?! But it's not just me who fights to keep us, but you do it just as much. Truly shows how much we both want to stay together. And to think, in the beginning of our relationship, I always had this feeling, that you know, there is something different about her, something that I can't seem to find or feel in any other girl, and it just shows more and more everyday that I was right. She's my one and only, and I intend to keep it that way. I hope we get to spend time today, even though it's the afternoon already. It's been an amazing 22 Months. I love you babydarling.

But now with season starting, and you with T.O. and such, time spending together is going to be quite difficult. I just want to make best of the time that we have.

One Shot

2010-02-05T20:35:00.000-08:00

Maybe I over reacted a little bit when you told me you were planning to go. But after everything that happened, all the incidents and such, just made me feel a bit insecure. But I'll give you a chance, live your life. If it works out where both of us are content, then it will build up. But if that night causes a disaster for us, then I don't know where it will go from there. But I'm taking that risk, giving you that one shot. I'm not gonna continue wondering like I have been anymore, so go ahead. There are some things that will be tolerable, and some that will absolutely not be, remember that, and I'm pretty sure you know what I'm absolutely not cool with. That's my vent, that's what was on my mind all week.

Run

2010-02-04T20:00:00.001-08:00

I really don't know what to do anymore. Fuck man, it just keeps getting worse and worse. Damn nigga instigates like no tomorrow, the fuck, thinks he's a detective or what? I seriously just wanna run, even though running from problems doesn't solve anything, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I seriously, just wanna get away.

Eye Opener

2010-02-03T21:18:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty out of shape, even though I've been working out. I'm lacking the Cardio, haven't been running or any type of endurance training. Realized that today, and wow, I'm slow...

Been walking home lately, I guess it gives me a lot of time to myself, and to think about things. A lot has been on my mind. Need to start prioritizing.

Reality Check

2010-01-30T20:31:00.000-08:00

When making a mistake, you're always going to wish you could go back in time and do it differently. Well, if I had one wish in the world, I would've went back to that very moment, and listened to my gut, my conscience..maybe if I did, none of this would've happened. I'm thankful for everyone who helped me out when I needed them most. Tofu, Andrew, Mannix, Matt, Mark, Clinton and Rio. Even thought you guys didn't have to, you guys did and I'm thankful to call you guys my boys, no homo. First time for everything right? Well, I'm hoping this is my first and last time ever. I hate the rain. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused everyone. I'm glad to know that they got me in times of need, and without a doubt I got them too. R.I.P Zips..Things aren't going to be the same, but I'm going to make that best of what I have, appreciate what I have, and be thankful for what wasn't taken away from me.

Back

2010-01-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

When winter comes in summer,
That's when I'll stop.

"You don't miss a good thing until it leaves you" I don't want to realize that I messed up once you are gone. I don't do many things correctly with us, but one of the things I don't have trouble with doing is holding on. Sure we can fight, sure we can fuss, sure we can get mad and all we do is cuss. But if you stop and think about it, I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else, but you. You still have it, and I'm still here aren't I?

No Truth

2010-01-22T00:48:00.000-08:00

You can't say you love me more, well you can, if that's what you believe.

There are things I do just out of the kindness of making your job a little easier, even if it means going out of my way. But it doesn't matter, I don't hold that against you because I do it out of love. Big Blurr.

Sometimes I believe I do too much for unappreciative folks. It gets annoying and tiresome.

Adventurous

2010-01-21T21:32:00.000-08:00

I needa get out more. Haven't been shooting because of the weather, and I've been quite lazy. I'm hoping to get a few new toys before February's end.

Lately, things haven't been going so well for me. I hope things lighten up.

1 Hundred

2010-01-17T21:58:00.000-08:00

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Adores Her Company

2010-01-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

I simply do. Plans fail but that doesn't stop us from enjoying the time spent with eachother. School, 711, Subway, Home, drop off kids at MHS, Mercado, Eastridge, Tapioca, Usual. Spent a good hour or two just talking, it was great. I enjoyed every bit of it. Never thought I could be into her any more than I already was, but it just keeps getting better. Amazed.

We have too much fun with the Macbook.

21

2010-01-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

I'M HAPPY! Twenty One unbelievable months, that is One whole Year and Nine Months! Just wow. When people ask me, I just saw twenty one. "WOW! REALLY?!" Yawp, I love it. I love where we are at in this relationship. I'm glad I held on. Been going strong, can't really remember the last time we had a fight, and I'm trying to keep it that way. I love you babe. 040608.

2010

2010-01-01T00:19:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years everyone, another year done, starting a new one. My goal is to make this unforgettable.

My family, my boys, my brothers, my wife, my friends/homeys. Stay safe everyone.

Hey, these are cool now

2009-12-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

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Most Pleasant Surprise

2009-12-26T21:29:00.000-08:00

Well today started out interesting, I was just focused on giving my girlfriend her presents for Christmas. Woke up, ran to my little sister's room and woke up the three girls that were snoozing. Everyone got ready and because my two cousins spent the night my dad decided to be nice and take everyone out for brunch. We ended up going to Pho Nam. It was cool, went home, then my mom, molly, kym, and cecelia went to the mall. From about 1:35-5:45...nuts. I am never going to the mall after Christmas ever again, that stuff is annoying, aggravating, time consuming, and tiring. Trying to find parking was whack, trying to leave the mall was even worse. But finally managed to meet babe at The Library, it was frustrating because we both set our plans for 4-5ish but ended up meeting around 5:20. Decided to just go back to my house to do the exchange and that's what we did, stopped at Taco Bell on the way back though. It was cool. I was surprised at what she got me, a cardigan from Heritage, crew neck from Express, and the Unbranded jeans I wanted from Urban. She spent too much on me...I got her a couple goodies though. A pink crew neck with belly pouch/pocket, hello kitty mittens, hello kitty white board, hello kitty umbrella, and a bracelet of hello kitty with our 6 charm. I have one more surprise that I have yet to give her. She'll receive it soon though. Thanks babe, I love everything!!!!!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T18:14:00.000-08:00

Had a get together yesterday with everyone. Pretty interesting, got some pretty cool stuff. A nice jacket, some cozy slippers, a t-shirt, money, giftcard, not bad. I was snapping pictures and eating the whole time, all good though.

It takes Holidays to bring everyone together like this.

Merry Christmas everyone, stay safe. Be thanksful.

Indoor Winter Wonderland

2009-12-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

Mobbed with 9 other couples to The Logitech Ice Center / Shark's Ice. It was pretty cool, everyone was supposed to meet up at Sweetheart's at 6, but everyone knew that people were gonna take awhile. Picked up babe around 6 then headed to Pasta Pomodoro to
greet Ms. Steffany for her birthday. We then headed to Quicklys to grab a snack then met up with everyone. Twins, Jeremie, Matt, and Ant were already there, Tofu and Mike came after, then we waited about 30-45mins for Mark and Mannix to come through. It was cool though, everyone mobbed to The HP Pavilion but apparently it was already closed. So we all went to Shark's Ice instead. $24 per couple, including admission and skate rentals so it wasn't so bad. Snapped some pictures, chilled, it was cool. Everyone was indecisive about where to go eat, we went to Red Robins but it was closed, so just ended up at In-N-Out. Grubbed up, chilled, dropped off Mike, French, then babe. It was cool.

Missing Tofu though.

Report

2009-12-20T23:48:00.001-08:00

We were doing so well. And to think all it took was something as little as that to bring us down. Great.

I'm only one guy, I can't do everything, but I have been doing everything I can.

Underestimated

2009-12-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

I suppose I proved everyone wrong, coool.

Rainy Days

2009-12-12T13:23:00.000-08:00

I finally made 200 unique feedback point, yay. No big deal though :P

Managed to sell some things here and there, selling my XTi, hoping to upgrade to a 50D. I'm crossing my fingers.

My girlfriend is sick, I hope you get better soon babylove.
I love where we are. It's heart-warming. I love it. <3

Look who made it on Hello Kitty's tumblr.

Khehe.

She's my pusha, she's my killa

2009-12-03T18:39:00.000-08:00

I called all her bluffs, raised her stack, went all in, but she still won.

Avoid

2009-12-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

I no longer wish to see things like that. All it does is get me mad. And getting mad is one of the things brings me down, SO, in the future I just will not look, that way I will have no reason to get mad for seeing things that will bother and annoy me. I'm just trying to take a different approach to things.

We're doing so well, I'm not trying to see this end.

Winter Ball this Friday, crossing my fingers that things will go smoother than previous dances. I'm snapping shots during the dance, so if you do that nasty, don't blame me if it happens to be caught in the frame when I press the shutter. =]

CCS Championships Saturday, I'm stoked, it should be good, because Semi-finals was nuts. Pouring rain, screaming crowd, 14-13 victory, intense, adrenaline rush, sore throat, all worth it.

199

2009-12-01T18:51:00.000-08:00

Should always be 50-50.

Tre Times

2009-11-26T16:18:00.000-08:00

Cooooooooo day, chilled for a minute, in the parking lot Jeremie was slappin some Christmas jingles. Headed to Great Mall to check out the New Forever/Heritage with the wife, it didn't live up to my expectations. Picked up a cardigan and I got her an elephant ring, yee. Chipotle for lunch, then to Sanrio, picked up two more rings and a necklace. She's decked out though. After that I picked up some socks and a headband at Nike Factory, then headed home. It was about 5 or so. Then headed out to the courts to practice with Arthur, Bryan came out after too, that nigga grew taller. After that picked up babe from her friend's house, talked for a minute, then headed home. It was a nice way to end my day.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone today, my family, all you guys, my brothers, my babylove, everyone. It's the season to be thankful, and I am quite thankful for everyone who is in my life. Don't take anything for granted, appreciate what you have, because I know I do.

Sometime in the near future I'll post pictures of the wife's pick ups, and pictures from today's Thanksgiving dinner/feast.

Stay safe everyone.

Words from B. Taplin

2009-11-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

Chillin in the "Office" with Valdeeznuts and Liu-ness, got bored so decided to use the computer.

Talks with my yearbook teacher are funny, but at the same time they completely make sense..These are the rules she goes by

"Find a woman who will treat you the same way you treat her, and knowing you she should be treating you with the utmost respect, care, and love."

"It should be a 50-50 for EVERYTHING, you give half, she gives half. Any more or else, then it's no longer equal."

Gives more than receives, who never takes things for granted, can live with not always getting what they want, treats you the way she wants to be treated.

Never Enough

2009-11-10T23:15:00.001-08:00

Everything I seem to do for you nowadays, is never enough. Always ends in disappointment, frustration, or annoyance. Why? I don't know myself. Yeah, "no one ever asked you to do this" But hey, I wanted to, thought it would be nice having someone ease your load yknow? My sole intention was the help, be there for you when you needed it, but I guess that is just not enough anymore.

As of today's incident, I apologize. I never planned the router to malfunction and f_ck up. I did give you prior notice, and I'm sorry you didn't get it in time.

I'm more about you than you actually know. For your happiness, I am selfless, going to bed alone tonight I guess. Goodnight Everyone.

Through To You

2009-11-06T23:35:00.000-08:00

I just want you to understand sometimes. See things from where I stand. The bad seems to outweigh the good more than it's supposed to. Tell me what I need to do, to get through to you. Things are blown out of proportion, words that aren't usually said are heard, things that aren't usually done were seen. "Take time to realize" HAHAHA. Thoughts just panning through my head.

Open Mind

2009-11-04T16:24:00.001-08:00

I need to focus on the more important things.

One Time

2009-11-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is that I need, but whatever it is, I need it soon.

It's just never enough anymore..

I gave blood today, and since I'm a "strong and healthy" boy they recommended that I offer twice the amount, DRBC or something, on the Alyxx machine. Tedious process, took about half an hour. I was supposed to sit tight for 15 minutes at the station, then another 15 at the canteen, but nah, I probably did 3 at the station and 5 at the canteen. They can't tie me down! I grabbed an ice cream, pop corn, Arthur and then I dipped. The bell rang as we left, I saw her so I gave her my ice cream in exchange for less than half of an ice tea, nice of me huh? Quick to give, haha, it's whateberdoe. School is whatever now, at least I'm slowly starting to get the hang of Physics. It's getting on my nerves how much I need to re-edit my page that's been due how long ago. Ruins my day because it's the last period. F_ck it, I guess. All I do know is exhale long and loudly. Another week, but now that we get to sleep in another week, I'm not so tired anymore. I just need to be satisfied one time. I just need to see these stack of shoes be replaced with money, my "skills" in photography to become "better". So many things have been bothering me, but I'm slowly starting to tell myself just to forget about it and treat it like it's nothing. I want some excitement one time. Something, anything, little thing. But other than that, everything has been going fine. Girlfriend and babygirl have been good, everything at home is calming itself down, I'm trying to get back into Tennis. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish, but I never seem to even get around to doing any of them. One time, Sizzlers, Sweet Tomatoes, Toy Story in 3D, Cement Slides, Oakridge, SF, Stanford SC. One time though, aiming to finish these before senior year's end. Haven't blogged this much in awhile, maybe I'll get back into it, and maybe I'll have pictures to lighten everything up for whoever reads this. I read it, and I like pictures, so it works.

What It Is

2009-10-15T12:42:00.000-07:00

"Too much work for too little reward"

His Shoes

2009-10-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

Now he said: "Just one time, think about how it feels. Going through all of this, tryna be reasonable and taking inputs from both sides but in the end it doesn't really matter. Maybe I just don't like it because I fear what happened before might happen again. I bet it makes him freaking furious whenever he thinks about it. Even though it happened awhile ago. He reasons with you, he takes you into consideration and understands where you are coming from. Maybe he just doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm pretty sure if it happens again, it won't be very promising."

For myself to let out and as a reminder to myself.
I hate fighting. I'm quite sick of it. It just brings me down. I'd rather have smiles and feel right holding your hand rather than frowning and walking around wondering why. We should never take our frustration out on eachother, I know I'll never do that again. Especially when it comes down to you, you bring me up when I'm down. A punching bag is what I should be letting my frustration out on. Real talk though, in this relationship we should be treating eachother equally, take a load, ease the load. We've had some crazy ass ups and downs for the past few weeks. So it's understandable where we are coming from. Think before you act, no rash decisions, do it because you want to, no obligations. Just appreciate, be thankful, and grateful for everything we have.
Thank-you baby, MarielAshleySoriano<3

Eighteen

2009-10-06T17:43:00.000-07:00

Happy 18 Months. Gets harder and harder everytime, but hey, we're still here. We're still sticking together and lasting it out. I hope you liked everything I got you, the ring, sticker, bouquet of flowers with our baby, the key holder. =)

Whatever happens, happens, I'm just giving you my all.

F(A)YI

2009-10-02T18:44:00.001-07:00

It's been hella tough, ups and downs, frequent changes, like the weather. I know we'll be okay. Through the good, bad, happy, or sad, let's, let's stay together.

I love you this much!

All Walls Down

2009-09-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

Haven't done this in awhile, past weeks were good actually. I need to buy myself a parking permit on Monday though, got caught up twice times already hahaha. Managed to pick up/trade/sell majority of the things I had over the course of the week as well. Picked up some White Lasers, Mars. Said goodbye to Columbias and Chicagos though...I think he came up this time.

I've finished both Crows Zero and Crows Zero 2, movie is good. Makes me want to go out, and with my group, annihilate and dominate all. Hahah.

Everything was going well, it's the indecisiveness that ruins everything. I frequent 'I don't knows' from us that is the downfall. Maybe it was wrong of me to suggest those things. I was never a good planner. But I guess some thing's just never change. I don't know, maybe my unwillingness to do it is my downfall. Who knows now. Maybe I shouldn't suggest fixing at all.

It's my little cousin's birthday tomorrow, probably going to pick him up a little something something. Happy Early Birthday Andrew, you walking piece of atomic poo particles.

I decide for myself;

2009-09-10T17:59:00.001-07:00

If you don't give up, then I won't give up.

No rush, no rash decisions, that we never how we did things. Just be straight up with it.

17

2009-09-06T11:32:00.001-07:00

It's the 6th today, and I don't know if I should say Happy 17 Months or not. It only gets tougher and tougher, but I already knew that from the beginning. If it happens then it will happen. We'll see if things fall into place. Give up? Nah, I'm giving it everything, that way, if it doesn't work, I'll know it's because it wasn't meant, not because I didn't try.

Yeah, I remember[ed].

Doing Too Much

2009-09-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

What you said Friday night stumped me. It seems that Friday nights are never our best. I seem to care too much, even when we aren't together. You made me realize that we aren't. Whether it stays like this, work up, or down hasn't been decided yet.

And in the midst of all this;

2009-09-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

I still just want to be with you. I'll wait, I gave you my word. Don't ask me if it's worth it because I know it is. I want to go back, back to being the happiest I ever was.

Nice Knowing You

2009-08-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

040608-082909

As of right now, all I can say is wow. Other than that, I'm speechless.

The Good Things

2009-08-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

BJs was a success. It's a great thing to always know that we both can always make up for an unsuccessful first attempt. Food was good, we now know ourselves well enough that when we are hungry, E V E R Y T H I N G on the menu looks good. It's not a matter of how much it is, it's just a matter of how fast we can order and start eating. Bad case of the 'Hungry Eyes'. We had our talks on the way up, it's true that we have different opinions/views on things, but maybe that's why they say that opposites attract. You're this, I'm that, it's whatever. But it's the fact that you are you that got me to make US. It's who you are, not who you aren't, who you want to be, who you wish you were, it's WHO you are, that I've fallen for. After these 16 months, we still haven't changed much, I'm still the one who can't resist, and you are the one who can. Heh, I guess that's just how we are. Pretty cute conversation when we got into bed as well. Told eachother about our significant others, some pretty cute stuff. =) We just need to go up there one more time, and this time, it's to watch the sunset, set, set, set, set.

It'd be nice, to give my all to my first love, but that's just me. Our first loves.

Visit from Ms Clean

2009-08-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

So my girlfriend came over and helped me clean my closet, it's clean, from a pigsty to an organized closet.

Hopefully things go according to plan today, school is about to start, oh boy.

One Year Older

2009-08-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

I turned 17 today. Thanks to everyone who went out of their way to say Happy Birthday to me, it means a lot. I didn't do much, just had a family bbq. Ran a lot of errands with my best friend ChrisTofu today as well, you're the greatest, sir. <3

I wrote this for you, but I didn't even get a chance to read it to you.

I dislike "I don't cares", I dislike "it's whatevers"
I know that time apart wont make things between us better
I look forward to your phone calls every single night
Hope you'll call me baby, give in and make things all right
All I want is love, it takes two to make us grow
We've been through things that no one else will ever know
You bring me to my highest and lift me from my lows
And that's just one example of how we grew to be so close
I know at times I can be a handful, everybody has their ways
I could be sensitive, I could have my days
But no one said relationships will ever go your way
At times I drive you crazy, and those times when I'm so slow
We tear eachother down, rebuild, and then we grow
Go through so much, we crash and then we burn
We figure our things out, we laugh and we learn
Now we ain't perfect, it was stated from the start
But I know that you're worth it, I can feel it in my heart
It's TRUTHbeTOLD that I'm into you
When you're gone and far away I'm missing you
And when I'm with you, I'm invincible
You see, I'm writing down this poem, just to let you know
That I mean it when I say, I don't plan on letting go
I'm gonna hold on to what I say and stick to my words
Things that go wrong, out of hand and so absurd
But this is a two way effort, it needs a YOU and ME
You need to want and work for it, things like these are not free
I play my part, you play yours, that's what we need
Don't give it up so easily, that's what I plead

Today wasn't your greatest, and that's understandable, things came up, it's cool. I'm not mad, I know how you feel. Disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, mad, sad, all at the same time. It's a lot to take in, that's why I just wanted to ease your mind. You know I got your back, and that's all I'm trying to do, help you. Stop being so hard on yourself. Went to eat, so our plans didn't go according to plan? You were there, and I was there, isn't that all that matters? Sure, our plans didn't go the way we wanted, I'm not mad, I'm not disappointed, I'm just glad I got to be with you on my day. And now something's up and I don't even know what it is. Telling me all these things, are you trying to tell me something? If that's what you want, I told you to just be straight up with it. I don't know what to say, I don't need a lot, I don't ask for a lot, I just ask for you and your lovin. That's it..now I don't know even know if I should. I'm not so quick to give us up. That's not my first option, even through it all, why do I still want to fight for us? Why? I want to, it's not even close to being because I feel like I should, but I want to. I refuse to give up so easily. But if that's wrong, tell me, tell it to me straight.

Swigga Sixteen

2009-08-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

Happy 16 Months to my dearly beloved. Been a struggle, but I'm gonna stick to what I told you last night. I need more days like today with you. I still love you.

Ballin was crazy! Ran full on 5s, it was nice after just running 3s for a while. Thanks to Viray for coming out and playing the last game, you da' man. But now, I'm woddling. My shins hurt, my hip is numb...I need an ice pack, and a masseuse, baby, where are you?! Haha, just kidding.

Recently

2009-08-04T00:17:00.001-07:00

I've realized some things. There isn't really a point in some things I do. More of a want, not a need. I'll get used to this. Goodnight wurrrld.

M.I.A

2009-08-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

Left Friday, coming back Monday. My day went from being so occupied with you, to almost-completely none of you at all. The drastic change saddens me. I'm up late at night doing nothing when I'm usually asleep with you. I wake up quietly when I usually wake up with the sound of you or your texts. Every text received I wish/think it is you but it's not. Wishful Thinking. Random Rambles.

Specs

2009-07-30T17:20:00.000-07:00

I'm pooped, damn walk.

Only things I look forward to now are those lay back chill sessions, and ballin.

I'm crossing my fingers. Let's make it happen.

I came, I saw, I hadoukened

2009-07-22T10:41:00.001-07:00

Big ups to Dat and Tofu.
"Let's just lay all of them out here, and take it all in...wow"

Baskeball has been good like always, a good number of people finally came out. Rich and Catap, and the usuals with the addition of Big Boy Brian.

I hope my girlfriend and her lip is feeling better.

First Time Round

2009-07-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

First time as a group, and first time going to the beach with my girlfriend. It was pretty cool. A lot of people that I didn't expect to see went. It's whatever, there was only one person who I thought shouldn't have even bothered coming. Rode with Tofu, Andrew, me and beb. Scheduled to wake up at 6AM, but woke up at 6:30 with babe saying "Yknow, it's 6:30 right?" Jumped out of bed, washed up, got ready and Tofu came with Andrew around 7:30. Everywhere met up at school, we were parking lot pimpin'. HAHAHAH nah, but there was a buttload of people though. Babe had troubles getting out, thanks again to Michelle and Kevin for the assist. Jonathan rode with me to pick her up as well as get gas. Headed to Anthony's then to Safeway. Huy, Marc, Tofu, Jeremie, David, Matt, Khang, Nicole, Sean, and Peter were the drivers. I'm pretty sure that was everyone. We got to the beach, zamn it was nice. The girlfriend needed to use the restroom so we walked 3? blocks or so to some portable toilets. HAHAHA gross..Took pictures, then walked on the sand. Soft sand and all, but damn, toes are hurting from all the stretching. Went into the ocean, walked on the beach, it was pretty cool. Played beach football, volleyball, burger/hotdogs on the grill. Chillin, all day. Didn't get home til about 10PM thanks to Jeremie. 7AM-10PM. Zowie.

Yes.

Start

2009-07-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

I think this is the start of a wonderful friendship. HAHAHAH yeah right, barely met her for 5 seconds. Thanks.

I got you next time.

You are not a sweetheart, I am. HAHAHAHAHAHA

I've been spending much lately. I blew $180 in two weeks. Not crackin'

Bucks.Concords.Button-up.Flannel.Specs.Food.Gas. = $180, with few traded exceptions.

Thanks sugamama, you didn't have to..you NEVER have too...

Enriched

2009-07-15T22:34:00.001-07:00

No hesitation. You like you buy. That's how it is.

Lovin'

Such a big EGO

2009-07-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

I had a gooooood day. Woke up, everyone but Molly left to go do their thing, I hung out with her for a bit and then left. Went to Mission, picked up babe. I found out that they don't buy my book anymore =( now I gotta sell it on Amazon T_T. We didn't know where to go, so we used the Navi and headed to VF/Westfield! Pretty cool, went to Forever 21...HAHA, that was a given. Walked to see if Ritz Camera was still open, they weren't, we headed to Auntie Anne's for a pretzel but they didn't have the Almond one so we walked around, checked out TNF, walked back, got the goods ate, then left. Drove over to Santana Row, checked out Urban Outfitters, they have some pretty nice stuff. Most definitely going back again with babe. Headed back to Milpitas after because Dat needed the laptop left in the trunk, went to Taco Bell, grabbed a Fruitista Freeze, headed to Adobe, surprisingly saw Jeremie, Matt, his little brother, Mannix, and David, HAHAHA. Drove to Savers, I picked up a pair of '04 Navy Dunk Highs for $10.00. YEEEE. Drove around, ended up at Cardoza. Chilled, talked, had fun, then bounced. Rich texted me asking for a ride to the courts so I picked him up, dropped him off, then babe, then headed home to change. Mom dropped me off at the courts. I walked her to where Hung and Molly were, she watched, I ran a quick 2v2 with Rich, Jeffrey, and Little Stanley. We lost, but that boy is getting good. Met up with babe, walked with Big Kona! He's pretty cool. Walked babe and Kona back home after hanging out with them for a bit, then ran to the courts. The usual people were there, so we ran 5s. It was cool. We were losing at first, but made it in the end. =) Gooooot day. Tired, but satisfied. I hope babe feels better.

*Next week, you'll get your Milk Tea, we'll head to Crossroads, we'll shop again, and all that good stuff. =)

Baby, you are, my everything

2009-07-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

You came back yesterday, and fortunately for me, I was able to be put to sleep with ease by your soothing voice. I'm glad your back. Even though we didn't get to spend today together, I'm happy I got to see you for those 10 minutes or so. Haha, Kona is starting to become a pretty good boy. You were flying, now I know you can play basketball! HAHAHAH<3

Look where we are, look how much we've been through. And still, neither of us decided to let go. I am in love with you, I'm not gonna deny it, I'm not gonna hide it. It's true, it's the truth. I just want you to know that. I've never felt this way before. You should know, who else would run half a mile just see you for 10 minutes? Haha, things I do, because I want to, never because I feel I have to. Happy 15 months babe. You and that voice of yours, WONDERFUL.

I'm ready for your lovin.

Ran 5s with the ballas again, It was pretty cool, we're all getting good exercise. I'm just focusing on sinking those mid-range jumpers.
Mark Cayabyab, you get bette bro, you will heal kind sir.
Catap shaved his mustache, gdamn he looks like a pedophile.
HAHAHA

I've been experimenting, hopefully I can get these to sell? I need the money =\

Long Gone Missin

2009-07-04T03:48:00.000-07:00

I hate waking up in the middle of the night, and you're not by my side, right by my side.

Foevaeva

2009-07-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

Who isn't afraid to show how she feels

I was awake since 5 in the morning..got the text at 5:38, "Bye Baby..." I stayed up until 7 texting back telling her how much I am gonna miss her. Yeah, I seem to be into us more than she is...HAHAHAHA I'm just kidding.

For the weekend..I'm gonna be alone.

Twitter.com/Ngoface

ByeBabe:(

Appreciation

2009-06-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

I appreciate you.
I appreciate what I have.
I appreciate everything you do.
I appreciate the things that we do.

Evening walks, from point A to point B and back. I do believe, that's my way to end a nice summer's day.

Come Clean

2009-06-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna hide nothing. You want the truth and I'm giving it to you. I can't be known as 'TRUTHbeTOLD' and tell lies. Nah, it "ain't my steez" I'll be upfront about things. I'll own up to it. I can only hope you'd be the same with me. Felt stupid, relieved, frustrated, surprised. That walk/jog home allowed me to think. Come clean, be honest, tell the truth. Feels good, real good. From here on out right? Everything starts now. Past, can't change. Live for the time being, for the moment. Stirring it in the right direction now. No more dumb sh_t. No more bull sh_t. I'm not tryna live like an immature little kid.

Getting back into shape, Chris, my goal is to look like you. HAHAHA, watch, everyday out the week. Watch me come up. Dee O Pee. Running, Jogging, Pushing, Lifting. Yes.

My Kind

2009-06-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

Dresses, but conservative at the same time
Cooks, Cleans, Washes the dishes
Gives me the bidness
Loves me for who I is
Not afraid to speak her mind
Knows how to act
Down to earth
Open minded
Doesn't let her pride, ego, anything, stop her from seeing straight
One guy in her eyes
Appreciates what she has, and not what she doesn't
Doesn't take things for granted
Family Oriented
"Lady on the streets, but a freak in the sheets"
"Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make-up on"

-~~This~~ She is my kind of lovin'

Hi Baby

Until You

2009-06-26T03:12:00.000-07:00

Until You - Shayne Ward
Omgpop.com Drawing My Thing

Woke early today, went to school, it was nice after awhile =)
Hot hot hot, heard it's just going to continue blazing up.

I need to practice more with this XTi

I like where we're getting to, I like it a lot.

I don't do sheck-shay

*Posted up '94 Is today...=(
Selling, 12" iBook, 17" MacBook Pro, Cement IIIs sz10.5, Mocha IIIs sz9, and '94 Is sz10.5. YEE YEE YEE

You give me the bidness

2009-06-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

Job hunting, turning in apps, all that junk. Hoping to come up with that extra dough to fill up these empty pockets. Tofu and I, roamed around the mall today, in button-up dress shirts; tucked in, and black dickies and shoes. That's wsup though, "we bidness men now yeah?" Hopefully we get some responses though, I've been stressing about that stuff for the past couple of days. All good, all good. Postin with the fellas is always good, Jonathan, Jesse, Mark, Andrew, Tofu, Allison, all good. I'm kinda happy you got to meet them today, at least it wasn't awkward for you right? Hahahaha. I'm tryna watch Transformers 2 though, zamn. 3 days in a row though, damn! HAHAHA, I'm fine with it.

Tofu, goodluck on that interview tomorrow man, make daddy proud! HAHAHAHA.

I'm pretty beat, needa continue pushin though.

My girlfriend

2009-06-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

was here, yes I have invaded with permission that is. Enjoy, have a great day. Toodle de doo, good bye!

Twist

2009-06-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

Of yogurt

Townsend, =) nice nice very nice!

It's been forever, but finally got to see you. After what? I don't even know how long, I hope we keep seeing eachother.

Happy Birthday to Tofu! HAHAHAHAH ;

Balled today, pretty intense, goood workout!

Pick-up, I think I'm pretty much almost done with the "shoe-game"

Get well soon Mark-Vongola.

Realization

2009-06-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

Now that you are gone for my morning, I don't really have anything to keep me in bed. For the past couple of days I managed to clean my room, finally hung up some posters and such. Even though it's just morning class, kinda feels like forever. Stumbling upon all of our things from previous months, really made me think. We've been through a lot. And look, even now we're still just progressing. I know what I have, and what I want. Amazing thing is, I have both, you are what I want, and you are what I am planning to keep. 4 days. Feels like weeks. I guess this is just what happens when you go from happily seeing someone for the majority of the week to not seeing them at all. I miss you. I'm not gonna lie. "I'm not afraid to admit it anymore" I'm glad I'm not the only one. She's mine. And I miss her like crazy.

I need to start making money. Jobs? Shoes aren't selling for me. XIIIs, VIs, and Is are mo fuggin hard to sell. I need to start working out again too.

Something Special

2009-06-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

Last Day of school! Finals was alright, failed miserably...114/150. 6th period was pretty chill, Matt and I just walked around cleaned, messed with Ms. Roy. The day was pretty interesting, I went home to grab a disc that I forgot to turn in, drove to school, met up with everyone, said wsup, grabbed the girlfriend and we jetted to do a meet up! Finally managed to pick up an XTi + BG-E3. It's nice, went to Taxi for some grub, ate, went to babe's house, she dropped off her stuff, went home, chilled, then went to the park to take some pictures. It was a nice day, I need a new tripod though. Drove babe home, we were panicking because of close calls, everything was cool though. Met up with Cayabyab and Catap, and the rest of the bboys; said wsup and yeah. To avoid assumptions from her mother, we told Catap and Cayabyab to come with us and Cayabyab walked her home right quick. Dropped them off, and I was off back home. I think it was a pretty good day. Summer? But what am I gonna do, summer school failed. Maybe look for a job? Eh, idk.

"I'd take a hit for you too"

#6

Legal

2009-06-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

Finals are pretty much over for me. Spent break with the girlfriend, finished up Math final, and just ate cheez-its with Catap. Afterschool, met up with Viray, and Cayabyab, chilled for a bit, then left. Said wsup to some people, and then rushed home. Met up with my dad, and hung, and all three of us went to the DMV. Waited until it was my turn, and BOOM! I failed miserably, I didn't know the hand signal for stopping, and had no idea where the defroster was located...I never knew you were allowed to miss up to 30, I missed 9. After I got out, signaled a thumbs up to my brother and dad, and then my other brother called, I told him, and then I called my mom, after she said congrats, I called babylove. Then Nigga Tofu, then Mark with Catap, and then got some texts from some people. =) It was goooood! Drove home, picked up some dim sum for the family and just hung out for a bit. I changed the oil in my mom's car too. Managed to finally sell my XT + BG-E3. I have enough for an XTi + BG-E3! Yay, I'm excited. I'm a happy camper. Dropped my brother off at 24 hour, and then drove around after selling my stuff, tried going to see the girlfriend but that didn't work so well. It's all good, tomorrow, hopefully. But, Summer, here I come. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

.evolybab uoy evol I

Part Of Me

2009-06-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

SATs today, got stranded at SJSU for a minute, lightrailed home.

14 Months, One year and Two, Just another added on, to me and you.
I usually go on about how we are and such, but now, I'm at the point where I would feel empty, incomplete so to say, if I was to be without you. It's a never be without typa deal. You went from being my girlfriend, to my one and only, to my lover, to my best friend, and to becoming my better half. In my name, you're like the first letter, the C, that how big of a role you play for me. We could be on the phone, not saying one word, but the comfort of knowing that you're there with me, is enough to ease me to sleep. We could get mad, we could fight, but aside from being alone and sad, what else would that bring us? So why do it? We've grown, as a couple, as individuals, as lovers. I'm proud to say that you're mine. And I intend to keep it that way. We didn't get to see or spend time together today, but we'll make up for it, we always do. We, you and me, always. The first person I talk to when the sun's in sight, and the last person I hear before I sleep at night. The Dream Team. 10 minutes being with you, than a whole day with anyone else. The things we stand for, the things that we're about. Still stands strong with me. Call it crazy, but that's what I am, crazy about you. Call it amazing, but that's what it is, that's what you are. I call it real, I call it love, I call it us.

Truth be told, Without any hesitation, I love you Mariel Ashley Soriango, best believe that.

You make me happy

2009-06-03T00:28:00.000-07:00

You + Me, it equals better math, your boy, a good look but you my better half.

8th grade, HAHAHAHA Camera Phone Dayszzz

Tallest

2009-05-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

One minute you can be on top of the world, overlooking everything, feeling triumphant, having the best feeling ever.

The next, you can be on the ground, only to realize that what you had was nothing more.

Aye, good shit though dude. Rain check, real talk. '96 LX, HAH.

Bringing Back

2009-05-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

It's a two-way promise.

Tilt

2009-05-19T00:35:00.000-07:00

One fall, all fall.

Jumper

2009-05-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

School was okay, my girlfriend is sick, so I spent my break and lunch catering to her, making sure she's okay. Mary Kay gave me a note, haha I bet the only thing she thought was cute about my blog was the fact that I always talk about my girlfriend, teeheehee. I hope you're feeling better though, babe. School was alright, I was in Ms. Kung's for first period, hella funny, Mark, Richard, Rhodan, Kristina, and some other people were in there. I played Yu-gi-oh on Marck's IPod all period though. Afterschool was pretty cool, met up with babe, saw Raymond-o. Piggy backed baby twice to Nob Hill area and ate at Juice City for a bit, walked her home and then ran to the courts. Played ball, I had fun. A lot of heads were out there today, ran 5s, 4s, all goood. Catapayab, Viray, Francis, BJ, Jef, and other heads, it was cool though, even mo' fuggin Raymond Lazaro came out, that guys beast! I wanna hone my jump shots and eventually get all those 3 pointers, HAHAH. I'm not good at driving in, at all. But, I finally managed to pick up a 430EX =) I'm pretty beat, shower, and bed with my girlfriend, what a way to end a day huh?

Suga Suga

2009-05-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

The day started and ended out great. In between was questionable, but it was proven, it was shown that my girlfriend really does love me. I'm not tryna brag or anything, but wowie, Suga Mama today. Declined debit card leaving me poor, but she came to the rescue. I'll make it up to you, I promise. "We're together right?" "Isn't that all that matters?" Yeah, that's the only thing that matters. Sorry about the mis-haps. "Would you have still gone with me today knowing that this was going to happen?" knowing that all thing things you would do just for that one person, it feels amazing, knowing that they'd do the exact same for you too. My suga mama. I'm building a "To-Do" list, things that we will mos def finish by the end of the summer. My heart races everytime I think about it, about her, now, more than ever. Just like it did on April 6th of last year. No words, just one incredible feeling. She's mine, all mine.
She's my first love, first love, first love, first love, first love...and she knows it, she knows it.
Thanks for the amazing day babydarling.<3

*Thanks Tofu, never hesitated when asking to borrow. I got you if anything man, AND I got you on gas next time.

Treize

2009-05-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

Another month is added onto one of my prized possessions, US. Thirteen months in total, and I am proud. Mariel Ashley Soriango, heart is yours, since day one. April 6, 2008. Maybe tomorrow, we'll get to go on another adventure. Happy 13 Months, babydarling.

You. Cheezits. Ramen. Caprisuns. Cheetos. Nachos. Me.

Went to a Jungle, Rain Forest, Wilderness, whatever you wanna call it. Heh.

I love you, with confidence.

Got some calls from some heads that I haven't talked to in awhile. Never expected you to call, we haven't talked since what, my birthday? HAHAH. Wowie, maybe I just might got Friday with you guys. =)

Adventure

2009-05-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

I had a fun time today.

*Thanks Tofu, you know why.

It was mo' fuggin' hot today though, wtf. Drizzle in the http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=2914355890810311136morning and blazing in the afternoon. But, afterschool met up with the girlfriend and then we jetted to Fremont, to do a meet up. Haha, pretty interesting, sold Tofu's Takashis and such. It was fun, she was my navigation system. I simply enjoy the time spent together. BIG SMILE!

I enjoyed this day.
<3

Oneself

2009-05-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

I've been my own company for the three day weekend. Today, was rather productive. Woke up, got out of bed, after saying bye to the girlfriend went running up Summit Pointe, got cramp though, haha. Woddled my way back home, chilled, then played ball. Pretty intense, haven't worked that much in awhile. But I guess you can say I don't mind being alone. I can live with it.

Tomorrow, should be an interesting day though.

I'm

2009-05-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

starting to wonder.

Tennis Season is officially over. No school because of Cinco de Mayo, but tomorrow is Quatro de Mayo, haha. Rainy weather sucks, had a lot I wanted to do but because of the rain it was unsuccessful. Dumb, random, rant, I need something exciting to happen.

Oldie

2009-04-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

Sunny days, everybody loves them,
Through the good times and bad times
She will always, always be right there
But tell me, can you stand the rain?

High to Low

2009-04-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

It was surprisingly cold today. School wasn't anything special. Played against Wilcox today, we won overall. All 3 singles, and doubles 2 won. I'm proud of everyone, but damn did we get lazy after winning the first set -___-. It's all good, tomorrow we're competing in the league finals. Leaving after third period, yikes. I'm tired, and cold, but I can't sleep, not without her at least.

All Day

2009-04-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't have had it any other way.
Time.Movie.Walk.Talk.Dinner.Movie.
<3

Those talks, just make it easier for me to see how much we've been through. Nothing comes easy, but pursue what you want, if you try hard enough, you'll attain it.

A slip into my shoes

2009-04-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

Well the highly anticipated Jr. Prom was yesterday. I thought it was pretty funny, everyone was thinking of ways to leave school after lunch. The day was pretty interesting, I left 5th period, went to grab some grub with Cayabyab, drove around, he told me some stories. Thanks to my buddy Tofu, for letting me borrow, shows trust. I got you if anything man. Came back, 6th was alright, I got hella sleepy, and left before school was out to Mark's house. Hahaha, just chilled, I like chillin there. Catap and Richard came by, watched some dumb videos, played a series of Mybrute, and then I headed home. Got ready, showered, Cecelia was here, no idea why, haha. Put everything on, Catap, Cayabyab, and Viray, serenaded me..AHAHAHAHAH, damn those guys, putting different words into the verse but it still rhymed, HAHAHA. I then jetted to her house. Greeted the parents, gave flowers, and all that. She was no help at all -___-. By showing respect, I shook their hands with both of my hands. Went back home, said Hi to my mom. Diana was there, haha random. We jetted to Jan's, some heads were there, but more came after. Quick grub, some pictures then off to Crowne Plaza! It was pretty interesting, hellla snacks, haha I like the gatorade. Not bad, pictures were ass though. That was probably the worst part of it. After getting hot and sweaty, met up in the parking lot and decided to go to IHOP. Stayed out until 3, holy it was cold. Got home, waited for girlfriend to call, then boom! Sleep, sleep, sleep. " I know how you feel when you're with my friends now, " It's okay babe<3

Today, I got up around 12, and again, like every other weekend, I was alone..Molly was out at CGA, Dat was in L.A., Hung was M.I.A, and Mom went somewhere. I napped again and woke up at 5. AHAHAHA productive? Zamn...

She's mine! Get away, AHAHAHAHAH.

Where are you?

75%

2009-04-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

Today, everyone except Ryan, who was suspended went back, for the team. We ran 5 miles, that's 20 laps, against 534590854mph winds. Everyone finished as a team though, made me proud. Arthur, Fabian, Dan, Justin, Thomas, Jun, Scott and Trufflin' Brian. Fuck the Coach, we're here for you guys.

*Thanks babe.

She finally got her dress, now I just need to get my tie + vest and we're set. Jr. Prom is this Friday, hella quick or what?

St*r testing started today, haha pretty interesting.

Progress

2009-04-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, Congratulations Mariel Ashley Soriano aka girlfriend, good job, I'm proud.

Post Office with Catapayab today, pretty fun, ate at Chipotle, walked around, found some dresses for babe, put them on hold, turned in job applications, and picked up some Members Only jackets :D B/W for me.

As of tennis, my season is pretty much over. Conley can't coach for shit, he's a douche, and he doesn't deserve to be Varsity Coach. I'd tell you that straight to your face, you asshole. I refuse to play for such a fucker. Excuse my language, but if you were there, you'd understand.

For the record,

2009-04-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend is a jerk. Just because I supposedly take an hour to shower she thinks I take that long on everything! I told her that I was going to brush my teeth like 5 minutes ago, and she assumes I will take an hour. Guess what baby, I'm DONE! HAHAHA if and when you read this, you'll see, that I win, and you'll always lose. =) <3youbabe.

Expectations

2009-04-12T16:21:00.001-07:00

Time's of the essence, I need to finish what I started, and pursue what I've long sought for.

Jr. Prom is this Friday, big plans. Last week of school until Spring Break, sweet. Wednesday is a day I'm going to be anticipating, not going to say why. Tennis suspension, dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life, let's see how you guys will do without half of the team. SMH, man. I could care less though, you suck ass at coaching soccer, let alone tennis. What I have left is slowly depleting and planning to keep it like that. I'm keeping the pairs with sentimental value, Lightnings & Babe. HAH, long story, she likes them, and they were one of my grails, 'nuff said. I need to start trying in school, I have a 3.4 and my mom is going crazy. Sold some stuff over the course of the week, nothing too big. Doing another meet up today, Sharks + Stussy shirt for Homeguns + $50, resell, profit. TRUTHbeTOLD's mindset.
I still need to get pins or a hanger thing to hang up the poster that babe made. Those things that we talk about at night; "If you were here" "Why can't you be here", if it was possible, <3. I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep, not yet at least. Hold it, hold my pinky, please.

http://ngoface.mybrute.com
I've been playing that damn thing all week, haha managed to get some heads to play also.

G.A.D

2009-04-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Good Ass Day

School was nice actually, donuts during 2nd, free sandwiches during brunch, fire drill during 3rd, and yada yada. I actually hug my girlfriend when I say Hi to her now. Haha, took me a year to do. YEE! Afterschool, Raymond "airRML32" Lazaro stopped by, said wsup and whatnot. I then walked and met up with girlfriend, and walked her hooome =). After that met up with The Brothas, dropped of Jesse, Jonathan and Mark at school then Tofu and I jetted to Fremont to meet up with Dj Shellshock. Waited about 10-20 mins then he came. Bye-bye Royals and Takashis, $280 pocketed. Ate at Jack in the Box and then drove to Savers, CAME UP! Tofu found two Gucci Belts, in black and white, ~~no idea if it's legit or not,~~ Gucci is Gucci. Fuh,Fuh,Fake. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Drove back and then kicked it for a bit, played some Street Fighter IV, and homeboy bounced because he needed to drop some bombs. No one is home now, but today was a good ass day, I was in a good mood all day. Wish it was like this all the time.

Hellloooo Babylove<3

Slow Return

2009-04-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

FAIL! Blog got erased, so I'm gonna blog about whatever I remember.

School was cooool, brought the girlfriend's poster with me into Math. Afterschool Matt and I met up with The Brothas; Tofu, Jesse, Jonathan, along with Jeremie and Ashley for $1 Milk Teazz. Driving back was pretty chill, "YOU DA FUHKING BEST! WHO DA FUHKING BEST? YOU DA FUHKING BEST!" HAHAHHAHA. Afterschool saw girlfriend, so I walked up to her and gave her some, then asked me to go around with her to put up flyers. After walked to TK Noodle with her friends with the addition of Catap. We ate, then departed to Tap. Express, she bought a Milk Tea w/ baby pearls, walked to Nob Hill, looked around, got nothing then walked to the park and just chilled like how we used to. Man, I missed it. Truffle and Ashley were walking around there, it was interesting. I missed days like this though, felt good to do it again. Walked back to Nob Hill, and then got picked up. ~~I need to go to the P.O., need to ships Medicoms, True Reds, and my 28-80mm lens.~~ SHIPPED. Done Deal.

On a brighter note, proud to hear your decision. Stick to what you believe in, just take everything heads on! Make papa proud.

It was nice just relaxing for a change, I enjoyed it.<3

Mark, I got you no matter what man. No homo.
Catap got a whack ass pooh bear eraser thing, AHAHAHAHA.

Em, you are a boooooooob. =)

My brutes died 3 times in a row...Ngoface + Krooked Ginyou Fawrce.

Anniversary

2009-04-06T03:48:00.000-07:00

We made it. One whole year. I know I should be sleeping right now, but I couldn't sleep in the first place. We both stayed up pretty late, finishing homework and what not, I managed to talk to her for a good 6 minutes before she fell asleep. Haha <3. But seriously though, One Year! 365 freaking days. I'll tell you straight up though, it wasn't easy, sure at first it seems like that because it's new and hot. But once all that cools down you gotta see if there is more than just the initial attraction. I never knew I was capable of making it this far. Now I can say "Happy Anniversary", no months or anything, it's one complete year. We've been put through the worst scenarios and we've cherished the best. But lately, we haven't been at our best, and I'm sorry. I'm not saying that it's only been me, or only you, but US. For the past month, we've been preoccupied with so much that we didn't have time for eachother, and because of that it led to mishaps, and dilemmas. Reassurance is key. But just sitting down, and thinking about everything that we've been through really makes me proud to call her my girlfriend. She didn't give up on me, and she knew I wouldn't have given up on her. I don't know what's in store for us next, but I'm living for the time now, not for the future. Hardships, Sacrifices, Compromises, and Agreements, essential in every relationship. If you want something bad enough, you're gonna work for it, you're gonna prove and show it why you deserve it. You're gonna sacrifice, and put forth time and effort to make things go the way you want. You're gonna compromise, because things will not go your way all the time. You're gonna have to come to a mutual understanding, reciprocal, give forth the exact amount received. It's still from yours to mine. It's still bewithme. It's still like no other. It's still 106%. It's still M<3C, and C<3M. It's still You&Me. It's still you're mine and I'm yours. It's still gorilla and butthole, jerk and crab, baboon and darkness. Whatever it is, as long as you're mine. I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm Chris, I make mistakes, but I'm still yours. No words, just a feeling. But remember, nothing is forced, you're here because you want to be. Free Will.
Happy Anniversary, love.

_____________________________________________________________________________________
I was up, just reading my old posts. Zamn, the things that happened.

@ Tofu's crib, haven't been here since Freshman year. good man picked me up at school, and we just chilled. showed me this Drama, 'Devil Beside You' deeeep. haha but recapping, I've managed to see the girlfriend after 10 days. hung out with her for the past two days.

--I thought everything was gonna be okay. "I wanna be here, but I don't" so what am I supposed to do? I told you I wouldn't let you get up and just leave. I tried to help her sort out what she wants, I'm just tryna help her. "I got 'chu" I honestly just thought though, everything was slowly beginning to be like how it was, and I thought if we were able to compromise that things we be the same again. but I guess that's just wishful thinking, I wanna make it work, I've never tried to ever keep anyone. you told me that you just wanted to bewithme, that it's only gonna be you and me. words are just words. things can change, that's what she told me. but even yet, I still refuse to let go. why? I thought about it, you can ask anyone that knows me, I've never tried to keep anything, it would always be a okay, I'm done too right when I hear that she's losing it. but I'm still here, this is something different. "you'll be okay without me" you wouldn't know, it's not that easy to take in, I don't know how you can just say it so easily. I know you'll be okay, but I'm not tryna push you away. I just wanna know, if you wanna stay then stay, but if you wanna leave, you shouldn't do anything you don't wanna do. WE are supposed to be in this because we both wanna be. but it's no longer we if theres only one person who's feeling that way. I'll let you know though, I'll stick with you throughout the whole thing, you lemme know what you wanna do. cause you know, and you know well how I feel. I let you know everyday, I still feel that way. your dream caught me by surprise though. "be with me, why? just be with me. why? i just want you to be with me. why? please, just be with me." I'm not gonna beg you to stay, even though I want you to more than anything. 'I don't wanna be without you' remember that? I still wanna be with you. but does any of that mean anything anymore? does anything mean anything anymore? is there anything left? it's like the tighter I hold onto you, the faster you slip. figure something. I don't wanna be asking for too much, so if I am, lemme know.

pushing you away is the last thing I'd ever wanna do. you know that for a fact. whatever makes you happy.

man..

*hope I didn't wake you up too late =X haha 10:06, I aimed for it, just stepped out and busted out my phone, dialed and boom, you were still asleep. I like the way she sounds we she first wakes up...

orange poop, giant, baboon, gorilla, elephant.

I know you read this Chris, favorite this. HAHAHA love you dawgsz

Not known

2009-03-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

There hasn't been time for anything lately. See eachother hardly, barely talk at school, only time I get to hear her voice is at night. I'm not gonna complain, hopefully the way it's been going is only temporary.

But this week, we had 2 home games so far, Monday was against Mt. View, and Tuesday was against Santa Clara. Finished pretty quickly, 6-0,6-2. Tomorrow we're playing against Fremont, it's an away game, one of our last.

Thanks ChrisTofu, you're the man bro. My bad for the hassle and everything, just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the fact that you helped me out.

Heads On

2009-03-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

Busy week, for both the girlfriend and I.

Tomorrow: 3/23 - Homegame VS Mt. View
Tuesday: 3/24 - Homegame VS Santa Clara
Thursday: 3/26 - Awaygame VS Fremont

I'm ready. I wanna make it to CCS this year guys, put Boys Varsity Tennis on the map.

I need an upgrade, XT is doing me no justice...debating about whether or not I should pick up a XSi, Daniel recommended I should, but no money =\.

As of sales, my buddy Tofu's Takashis are pimpin', everyone wants them. Medicoms are going fair, $250 shipped, might consider doing it. Hopefully trade Barfs for Bucks, still need to meet up and trade for another pair Takashis. Gray Toe XIIIs came in, True Reds should be coming in soon too. And holy crud, Damn you Black Bulletproofs, you are taking acabahjillion years. Say bye to Old Loves, Tweeds and Custom Denims soon though. TRUTHbeTOLD. Goal is to have 200+ feedback points, by the end of 2009.

Trojan Olympics is on Friday, the 27th. Oh, boy. It's also Spirit Week.

Friday, Mark, Kevin, Raymond, Jansen, and Matt walked around went to Mark's, chilled. I thought it was a pretty lay-back day, great way to end the week.
Saturday, met up with Mark and Kevin, supposed to go to the Post Office to ship stuff, but it didn't work. Kevin managed to get his jeans tapered though. Hella funny though, those two, hilarious. RockyBalboaXMarkCayabyab, check it out. HAHAHAHAH
I was pretty much home alone all day, I'm always home alone Sundays..tried going to play tennis, it was like a freaking tornado outside, so I walked home. Was alone until bebeque called.

I miss you. I can't deny it, or lie to myself anymore. "Now even though I try to play it off, I'm thinking about you all day long and I can't wait til babylove comes through" Still. It's been hard, haven't spent time for like a month. It's been tough, no doubt, but we gotta get through it. For you, for me, for us.

CABAZILLION ZEARS ZAGO, and I'm still wanting to bewithyou.

Inconsistent

2009-03-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile,

A lot of things have been going on. Tennis as of right now, we're 2-1. Doing pretty good as Doubles 1. A lot of things are going on though. Traded Lodens for Medicom 3s. Might just post up everything for sale soon. I relieved quite the amount of stress today. There are things people like, and things people don't like, there are a couple of things that I don't like.

I hate being looked down upon.
I hate being proved right.
I hate being confused.
I hate having qualms.
I hate being such a novice at certain things.
I hate not being able to spend time.
I hate how we are sometimes.
I hate being unsuccessful.
I hate letting people down.
I hate being the one left out.
I hate not living up to my words.
I hate not being able to fully carry out something.
There are just some things, I can't take.

It's already been a month, we got to spend like 15 minutes together walking you home, maybe that's enough for you, or enough for the time being. But not for me. I hate to be the one who complains, but I guess that means I hate missing you. But that's not true neither, I miss you, I just couldn't find the words to say.

Big One Six

2009-03-07T22:54:00.000-08:00

Today was a rather good day. Did a quick meet up in the morning, traded Shanghai 1s for Tweeds and Barfs, drove to girlfriend's house, dropped off her gift and then headed home. Changed, met up with Mark and then went to the mall to do his meet up. He traded his Homeguns for De La lows. We then met up with Catap and then headed to the lightrail. Met up with everyone else and walked around Valley Fair. Jansen and I along with majority of the guys walked around, taking pictures and stuff. We saw the most random Naruto fans. A group of people were dressed up as the characters from Naruto. It was pretty cool. California Pizza Kitchen took awhile to seat everyone. We were sat outside, it was pretty nice. Ate a CPK Cobber Salad, and "The Works" pizza, sub the sauteed mushrooms for pineapples, please. After that they brought out a slice of Red Velvet cake for the birthday girl. It looked better than it tasted, IMHO. Tehe, took pictures, chilled for a bit, then headed out. Took bus back to lightrail station, then we parted. Catap, Richard, Mark and I went to check out Azuki, Circle A, and Purist. Had okay things, nothing really 'to-die' for. Headed back around 7 and walked around Great Mall. Catap picked up a V-Neck for Spring Dance and then we headed home. Waiting for the bus to come was hilarious! The glasses we found at Valley Fair played a significant role in that. Mark got a potential acting job because apparently some guy was watching us as we were cracking jokes and said "Hey, you guys are funny." Talked to Mark, got his info and boom. We just kicked it at Mark's place until I got picked up. I'm pretty tired. 1 more hour until her REAL birthday. I wanna be the first to call. Overall, I had a great day. Managed to spend time with the birthday girl<3

<3

CMON!

2009-03-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

Happy 11 Months! To the girlfriend. Apparently a lot of people knew that today was our 11 months. The most random people came up to me and asked and said congratulations and stuff. Haha, got to spend sometime with her though. For about an hour or so. It's gonna be a busy month, need to appreciate and cherish every chance we manage to spend together.

Played Irvington High today. Lost. But hey, for once, I had fun losing. Thanks to Bryan Nguyen. That guy makes doubles fun. I'm proud to call him Captain. Towards third set we were yelling and shouting "Cmon! Let's do it! Whoo! You got this Chris, You got this Bryan!" to pump eachother up. It was great. We had the whole tennis team, both sides watching the game. Thanks Bryan, even though we lost, I'm glad we got to play. It was fun. If everyone on the team were able to get pumped like that, imagine how much damage we could do. As a team, we're just lacking confidence. A person like Bryan is exactly what we need to lift up our spirits. *Get well big boy, Brian. Everyone, I'm proud of you guys. Arthur, Fabian, Thomas, Dan, Jun, Justin, Scott, of course Bryan, and Big Brian. Managers, you too! Season starts next week, let's dominate from here on out.

I don't know how many Dunk Smashes Bryan got in, but damn.

No wonder he's known as a beast.